An in depth analysis on shorthand

Sometimes I wonder if everything in life is necessary, well everything that man has made .For example a back scratcher why? .For all you people out there I will impart some knowledge that may win me a noble peace prize. We have hands which if are asserted correctly on the back and moved up and down can miraculously turn into a back scrather. Another one of these man made things that I do not understand is shorthand. I find it quite useless in a society where you can record things on your mobile, camera or if you like on an actual recorder which comes in multiple colours including bubble gum pink. I have lost hours of sleep pondering upon the enigma (or mystery for all you people who missed English lessons shame on you) that is shorthand. There are many reasons why I don't like it. One of the reasons is that it does not readily accommodate my laziness because I have to practise EVERYDAY!!!(I know the tragedy). This unfortunately makes my soul grow weary and my knees go weak. I have always been a lazy student, teachers in the past have had high blood pressure over my unwillingness to hand work in time or with the enthusiasm it most justly deserves (dear God save my soul I didn’t mean to do that to them).Anyway I’m sure I’m not the only one who has been endlessly pained by the headache known as shorthand. I know my peers walk in ,like me ,in the two hour session with rainbows shooting out of their ears , invisible daises chained around their necks and beautiful humming birds circling the heads but walk out of it in the end like their student overdraft has been unmercifully snatched away from them along with their Subway vouchers( I have down played the horror so not to traumatise you as we have) . Then when you are in the lesson you feel extremely uncomfortable as if you are sitting naked in the class but no one can see you naked but yourself which makes you feel even more extremely uncomfortable (what a catch 22). I’m sure my teacher is a nice person in real life (shorthand is another parallel universe far far away) but I still don't understand what would make a person spread the bubonic plague a.k.a shorthand to poor innocent defenceless students. Today she asked us what nicknames we would give shorthand teachers. She suggested Dragon ladies and in my mind I suggested people who suck and devour the life and soul out of any happy day with only just word: ready. Then I thought it was too long (I occupied most of my lesson with this). It must be a word that slips off the tongue so readily that it would be like liquid gold when uttered because it would be so richly thought of before spoken. I finally arrived at one word: Dementors. The creatures in those Harry Potter novels that you secretly love but are to ashamed to tell anyone because you are a 40 year old middle class man (I don't judge). They too like shorthand teachers suck the life and joy out of you until you are an empty shell full of bad memories from your childhood you spent 15 hard long years push out of your head. No shorthand for me is not a comfortable experience however I do enjoy it when people say, “You learn shorthand, I thought it was a dead language like Latin." To which I reply, “It is," and walk away with my audience looking so dazed and confused that it’s comical