options

One of the reasons why i haven't written in a while is because I'm lazy i warned you all so don't be all what what in the butt lol . Also i have about the misery that is defamation which officially depressed me and made me question why i haven't moved to America where Freedom of speech is just a smile away. So basically it crushed me because half of the thing okay everything that i right is legally illegal lol so what to write now that i no longer have the bliss og ignorance . i think I'm going to go into the direction of feature story since i have also recently accumulated this sill as well ( i have decided to try and at least attend some lectures) . Anyway this is my first feature bare with me it.......might be well a doozy

options .Life is full of Options. Which is why its so depressing . it's like the matrix do you take the red pill or the blue one . Do you get to walk down the road or skip merrily across it? Even stupid options like that affect your life forever its the butterfly effect. that's why options that you are aware will change your life are extra excruciating. this is because 10 years down the line you will know it is YOUR fault your sleeping under a bridge because you made the choice , the option. Its sick isn't it really disgusting that life can be like this ,can make you feel so guilty for making one decision . That is how i felt today as i sat in a lecture theatre choosing my options for next year which could either turn my life for the better of for the worst. i'm supposed to tick on a piece of paper weather i want to be a deadbeat in 5 years or a rich egotistical writer.hmmmm options options options , you see what i mean its so hard . i don't want to look back and think what if a had ticked the left side . would i be in St tropez sipping on cocktails with unpronounceable Spanish names , Versache on speed dial and everyone calling me Mrs Rockefeller for short (Anything can happen kids) . Anyway you see what i mean in life decisions are so hard because of the consequences .you can call me a consequensialist because i do believe that an action should be taken depending on the consequences. these big Decisions are what cuts the oxygen of life , suffocating any true freedom you may have had and finally killing the unpredictability of it. its sad isn't it . Now I'm off to ponder about the options i might cry, might argue with myself but eventually i will have to tick won of those boxes . Jesus help me