5 things that annoy the Tabster

Hello everyone I'm being forced to write this by the way. This is not willing communication , if it was it wouldn't be saturated with irony , sarcasm and the highlighting of stupidity in me and others ,all in the love of a non- fair traded chocolate bar . Oh the humanity . So this is officially my brown nosing blog post but if it fails oh well i guess some people can't recognise pure unanaldaterated talent.it's like when you look at the sun with your bare eyes its too bright so you have to turn away thus missing its god-like beauty ,that's me. Today ladies and gentlemen I'm going to write about the things that annoy therefore ensuing public safety at the same time if you know what i mean . O.k here we go

1. calling me Tabby the cat or tabster. if you have noticed i do not have whiskers , i do not purr therefore this nickname is out of the question . i add again i am not your grandmothers cat neither do i look like this

( NOT ME !....i hope)
tabster is also out of the question it is not cool or hip you just sound like a moron and make me feel like one too

2. people who run up and down escalators. This is the worst tomfoolery i have ever seen ( refer to Ebonics dictionary) Why in sweet minty Jesus rightful name would you run up and down on something that is supposed to help you go up and down . You should have taken the stairs if you wanted to pant heavily and barge me around .You see i took the escalator because of the luxury of not having to use my legs . That is its purpose .I have been knocked over too many imes by people who insist on showing off they cool new Nike's on the escalators next time I'm tripping YOU up and see how it feels

3.Rude employees . These people annoy me because they are being paid to be rude to you and in fact so are you because the stuff that you pay for is going to go back into their paycheck . I'm sorry if you couldn't get a baby sitter and I'm sorry if you husband won't go to the job center and insists on spending money on fags and ladbrokes.However you do not need to be rude to me i greeted you with a smile , you greeted me with a snarl , a hiss and a FUCK YOU imprinted on your forehead.All in which makes me want to ask ... does someone need a hug?

4. Shorthand. A new annoyance which to be honest is partly because of my sloth like tendencies and the fact that i have the concentration of a crack addict in a job interview.I pray to God everyday that he will set me free from shorthand but every Monday my alarm clock still rings , I'm not sure what he wants from me.......maybe a kidney after all i only need one

5.Individualistic dressing . i know everyone has the right to be different , we don't have to follow the crowd. BUT WOW why on earth did you choose that regurgitated rainbow of a mess. Did the electricity go out at your house or did you just break all the mirrors. Also why do you insist on torturing law abiding citizens such as myself with your eye blinding ensemble. you know specsavers only give me one free pair of glasses every year right? next time i see anyone dressed like a medicated circus clown i am going to dose them with holy water and exorcise the demon that is responsible for making them dress the way they are . For their sake..... and ours