Be Free and Live long

If you have been living under a Hobbit hole (say hi to Frodo) , Kosovo , the country which to be honestly honest only 2 % of the population has claimed its independence about a few days ago but not everyone is willing for them to go free. Oh no Serbia does not want to let go and Russia has viewed the declaration as , "null and void". China has also jumped into the opportunity as usual even though they are way over there in Asia. Someone needs to build a visible fence for them so they can see the visible division between EUROPE and ASIA. Even all the countries in Africa have their independence so for goodness sake throw them a bone I mean they even celebrated with fireworks…. Fireworks people, Sweet honey Wesus save them. I'm sad at this futile need to destroy a newly born democracy. I'm rooting for you Kosovo

What does she mean?

Language to me is very interesting as it is one of the things people can manipulate to express themselves. If you have noticed I use a lot of colloquial terms or if you shall slang, to express myself. Some would say, “Why would she do this she is a potential journalist she should write oxford approved language.” to those who say this mind your own business this is MY blog lol therefore I will express myself and my own opinion in my style of writing. Straight forward writing gets monotonous it’s too square for my liking so I like to spice it up like a good finger licking chilli corn carne. Anyway I hope it shows the diverse way people speak. So to help those who may not know what in sweet chocolaty truffle Jesus I’m talking about I will try and put up a bite on this Ebonics dictionary. Oh and I got a brilliant idea on today: my Weekend Fancy. Yes my Weekend Fancy and no it has nothing to do with being passed out drunk in front of a kebab shop. It is going to be news highlight from the weekend made by an ordinary member of the public written by me. It is a developing idea so bare with me. I will probably start with my friends I can’t be jumping out of bushes yet, trying to convince a pensioner to read the line , “ making it rain on them hoes,” I’m not too good in situations such as heart attacks

Now for the News

An in depth analysis on shorthand

Sometimes I wonder if everything in life is necessary, well everything that man has made .For example a back scratcher why? .For all you people out there I will impart some knowledge that may win me a noble peace prize. We have hands which if are asserted correctly on the back and moved up and down can miraculously turn into a back scrather. Another one of these man made things that I do not understand is shorthand. I find it quite useless in a society where you can record things on your mobile, camera or if you like on an actual recorder which comes in multiple colours including bubble gum pink. I have lost hours of sleep pondering upon the enigma (or mystery for all you people who missed English lessons shame on you) that is shorthand. There are many reasons why I don't like it. One of the reasons is that it does not readily accommodate my laziness because I have to practise EVERYDAY!!!(I know the tragedy). This unfortunately makes my soul grow weary and my knees go weak. I have always been a lazy student, teachers in the past have had high blood pressure over my unwillingness to hand work in time or with the enthusiasm it most justly deserves (dear God save my soul I didn’t mean to do that to them).Anyway I’m sure I’m not the only one who has been endlessly pained by the headache known as shorthand. I know my peers walk in ,like me ,in the two hour session with rainbows shooting out of their ears , invisible daises chained around their necks and beautiful humming birds circling the heads but walk out of it in the end like their student overdraft has been unmercifully snatched away from them along with their Subway vouchers( I have down played the horror so not to traumatise you as we have) . Then when you are in the lesson you feel extremely uncomfortable as if you are sitting naked in the class but no one can see you naked but yourself which makes you feel even more extremely uncomfortable (what a catch 22). I’m sure my teacher is a nice person in real life (shorthand is another parallel universe far far away) but I still don't understand what would make a person spread the bubonic plague a.k.a shorthand to poor innocent defenceless students. Today she asked us what nicknames we would give shorthand teachers. She suggested Dragon ladies and in my mind I suggested people who suck and devour the life and soul out of any happy day with only just word: ready. Then I thought it was too long (I occupied most of my lesson with this). It must be a word that slips off the tongue so readily that it would be like liquid gold when uttered because it would be so richly thought of before spoken. I finally arrived at one word: Dementors. The creatures in those Harry Potter novels that you secretly love but are to ashamed to tell anyone because you are a 40 year old middle class man (I don't judge). They too like shorthand teachers suck the life and joy out of you until you are an empty shell full of bad memories from your childhood you spent 15 hard long years push out of your head. No shorthand for me is not a comfortable experience however I do enjoy it when people say, “You learn shorthand, I thought it was a dead language like Latin." To which I reply, “It is," and walk away with my audience looking so dazed and confused that it’s comical

Saying sorry is the hardest thing

The Australian government has apologised for past grievances it caused the Aboriginal community especially the stolen generations. The stolen generations were Aboriginal children of mixed - descent who the government took away from their families. The policy was introduced as the government thought that these children were mistreated and abandon in the aboriginal communities. This misconception led to a lot of heartache as children who were generally happy in their community were stolen from the community and therefore grew up without knowing their families and culture. This has had a great impact on the Aboriginals as many of them probably grew up not knowing who their parents are. This is sad just plain sad and it is good that the government has apologised even though it wasn't the present governments fault. It shows that the world is starting to recognise its past mistakes and is at least trying to heal them.

Looking good for Jesus

looking good is not easy especially for us women who every time we open a magazine we are told we are hideous creatures who need to buy a few expensive items to make ourselves less hideous and then we do ( next month its the same story) Lol anyway that is not the point . Someone decided the ultimate way to make women buy their merchandise would to make it Jesus approved. I mean if Jesus approved of something I would buy because if Jesus is on the front of the product and it says it will make you look like Hallie Berry DAMN IT I’m buying it even if means having to sell my liver. A Topshop in Singapore (huh they have it there too?) has been put on blast for selling products such as "Virtuous vanilla" lip balm and a "Get Tight with Christ" hand and body cream all which have adoring women at his feet. the range which is called looking good for Jesus has withdrawn the products from its shelves because of complaints from the catholic church in Singapore ( Catholics are always party poopers aren’t they? never invite one to a party damn joy killers )As a Christian ( yes i am even though i do use Gods and Jesus’ name in vain) I’m not offended by this why because the Jesus on the product is white and that is not my Jesus , my Jesus is White , Yellow, Brown , Green , and even bright red ,He is a brightly multi coloured Jesus Christ Superstar thank you very much

Spielberg i commend you

Spielberg gets a Medal of Humanitarian, the second highest medal you can get here (Medal of Honour being the first). Anyway Spielberg has stepped down his role as an artistic adviser to the 2008 Olympics in Beijing as it conflicts with his consciousness. As many people don't know China is one of the worst countries when it comes to Human rights .One of them being Tibet which is still being oppressed by the Chinese government. However Spielberg’s reason to leave was because of the situation in Sudan. Sudan holds a large oil reserve which two thirds are sold to China in exchange of weapons. Why is this a problem? The Sudanese government have been using these weapons to commit horrendous crimes especially in Darfur. Already 200,000 people have dies in five years and 2 million have been misplaced. I will tell you oil will make people do crazy things. The day it runs out I think there is going to be major depression around the world and we are going to see some Prozac addicts .Anyway well done Spielberg I know all country's have problems but China's tends to get away with a lot of things because they are on of the worlds biggest manufacturer of goods and no one wants to piss them of just in case they wont get they favourite made in China merchandise (which by the way is probably made with very cheap labour)

Go home E.T

I live at Portsmouth right now so it freaks me out that they might be E.T flying out there. Either that or Photoshop have got the graphics thing down pretty good. Apparently a man from Portsmouth snapped a picture of a U.F.O whilst driving somewhere. It was foggy and in the middle of the night so what he was doing driving anyway they should have beamed him home or something. Anyway I put the picture up so you can add you 2 cent's the truth is out there....in your common sense
p.s the picture is thanks to the Sun

Sharing is Caring Jesus said so

Have you downloaded any music illegally lately? Well its time to burst your bubble but soon you could be locked up with a murderer with a foot fetish called Jimmy for your favourite hobby .Thought you weren’t hurting anybody? Wrong, you’re hurting the multi-millionaires in the music industry who couldn't buy another Bentley to finish their extensive collection just because you decided to download that Justin Timberlake song instead of buying it. I’m not saying how I download my music I’m not going to let them use this in a court of evidence against me I’m too opinionated for jail thank you very much. Anyway they are going to force internet providers to give details of their clients so they catch those who have been having happy times with their lime wire. BT ,Viscalli and Virgin are already in talks in volunteering to do this now. All I can say is SNITCHES!, tattle tellers lol my mother told me not to tattle on people and that's exactly what they doing , I hope they have a good excuse for Jesus when they are queuing up for the pearly gates because I’m not excusing this.

It's okay the NHS will have hearing aids for them

Lol this is kinda funny, quite frankly I’m offended at the fact that people would use this tactic, really is it necessary it makes me feel like a bad dog that has been caught doing a dump on my neighbour's lawn. ( I know a very graphic visual).Apparently councils across England have been using these Mosquito devices to chase away ASBO potential youths . The high pitch frequency can only be heard by those who are 20 and below and are placed in places that youths may congregate e.g. your local Mc Donald’s, KFC , Post Office(why here though?) and also random street corners. Apparently some people are not too happy about these mosquito devices probably because their kids might be the one's causing the anti-social behaviour hmmm. They are saying it’s against Human rights for these devices to be put up. In my opinion I think they should be put up because the kids these days stand around in large numbers to intimidate those that they think are weak even the elderly. Fair enough people do have the right to stand where they want to be okay but not when it leads anti-social behaviour .Well that’s my 2 cents on the subject you can take it or go to another website

Why does life have to be so uncomfortable?

1st of all I want to say I called my sister today and asked her if I could come and see her on Saturday and her response WHY? .Does the fact that we are blood related not count. Anyway today I had an interesting day. 1st my trousers split on me today in the middle. Jesus himself blushed for me. I thought why why me and went to my lecture with those split trousers. *dies just thinking of the memory* anyway I have been gone for a long time, no worries nothing interesting happened just the same old apple pie. hmmmmmmm. I need help with my retail addiction I really need help. Is there no rehab for people like us? Throw Amy out and let me in damn it. ooooooo children I got 90% in my shorthand halleluiah praise God ... now I need to pay him back by taking my back to church AMEN! Okay I guess you want some real news now.

making it rain on those hoes

Where does this money come from. Is he really a gangsta and is selling crack on the side cause the proportion of this money is RIDONCULOUS. George Bush has set the 2009 budget at $3.1 trillion .Pimping aint easy people.Most of this money is going to Iraq and some of it is going to the national growth of the country which is in a slump .good luck to the next president this is like inheriting second hand syphillis

Gangsta MP

Oh Lord i couldn't stop laughing at this. Apparently Greg Mulholland a Liberal-democrat mp sore at health Minister Ivan Lewis and called him an ,"arsehole" in parliament . ROFL. is that gangsta or what lol tommorow they will say that he listens to DMX , Jay-Z lol and a whole load of gangsta rap.

the whole of Africa is up in arms

Lol i didn't know this. The country Chad which was named after the white guy who sits at the back of your maths class is in the middle of a Civil war . Hell do they report on this , or are they like , " No we don't need to report on that its just african tomfoolery unless they release any death numbers just ignore it now where is that britney story i was asking about," i'm dead at this.Anyway the rebels who think they would do a better job which i doubt cause as soon as they get into power another rebel group will emerge, another vicious cycle people.anyway i didn't really understand the argument but apparently the French are sending troops in to support the Presdent which is illegal.Africans should just stop killing each other off they already have to worry about AIDS trying too . Why can't we just hold hands and skip through the jungle lol .I'm dead to this story too expired like the milk in your fridge.

B.O.B

For all you true Outkast fans you know what that means. To those disgraceful people who don't it means Bombs over Bagdhad. Well i don't like posting Iraq stuff cause the whole situation is sad. it is a disgrace to the whole of human civillastion. It shows we are no better than animals anymore . that means George Bush is no better than a dog trying to piss over someone elses territory.I'm just saying. 64 people have died in bombing done by a female suicide bomber and nother unidentified bomber. the blsts were 20 minutes apart. The dead had to put in wheelbarrows. can no one stop this. i mean these sucide bombers don't they realise they are just killing the same brothers and sisters they cliam they are trying to save the hypocry.How can you make people to scared to walk outside their house , to go to school. i have nothing more to say.

Take the money and Run...run!!

You see if i was offered £22.5 billion yea you heard me right ( thats enough to pay off my debt how many times? and still fly to the Carribean to find me man dem)Anyway microsft has offered the amount of money above to yahoo cause they aint hustling to well anymore. lol .To put it in terms you might understand.This is because google has been hustling the net like a pimp with 300 hoes . So i think they should sell what eles can you do. Anyway its our fault they are in trouble when was the last time you used the yahoo search bar. i know some of you are like yahoo has a search bar?(input stupid face). yes brothers and sisters they do so broaden your horizen and knock the google hustle